It's Tool Time

The thing about being in a place, whether you're renting or buying, is that you need to take care of it. Or ask someone else to take care of it. Or try to take care of it yourself, only to realize you should have asked someone else to take care of it. But how are you supposed to know you should've asked someone else, before you try it on your own? Heck, that YouTube video didn't look that hard. You could do it, right?

On and on it goes, over and over.

Patrick's been through a version of this cycle many times in his place, while Rob's still coming to grips and "enjoying" the discovery process. A process that, sadly, usually just ends up costing you money, only to realize you need to spend that money somewhere else instead.

But hey, at least it's YOUR grass.

At least, that's what you tell yourself

Rob: So it's our first spring in the new place. And while we were watching a ton of the World Baseball Classic for the last couple weeks, I realized that I am suddenly the target demographic for a ton of stuff that has just rolled off my back in past years. Namely, hardware and lawncare stuff.

An Ace Hardware ad cut through the wall of medication pitches and announces that, "It's spring and time to acquire tools" and Patrick it was like some kind of activation phrase had triggered deep within me. It was like a choir of angels rang out with, "Ace is the place with the helpful hardware folks!" I looked out at the melting snow, shafts of sunlight cutting through the trees, and thought, "Yes. Yes it is time for tools."

To be clear, I don't actually like a lot of lawncare tasks. I mowed my share of lawns as a kid, washed a lot of siding, sucked at weeding, and hauled a lot of firewood and kindling around in wheelbarrows and I basically hated all of it. Maybe I'd like it more now that I can have a cold beer halfway through, but frankly I'd rather just have the beer while sitting in a lawnchair on the deck.

But I love matching a problem to a purchase and buddy, a house and a yard are bottomless founts of problems with purchasable solutions.

The past winter we ran up a fortune in plowing fees, to the point where we could have bought a legitimately decent old truck for what we paid. If next winter is just half as bad, the fees would cost significantly more than a very good plow. So we find ourselves lusting after beat-to-shit pickups and thinking about how awesome it'd be to have something we could fit with a plow, but also use to haul bags of gravel or soil from the hardware store, or go and pick up some cheap furniture at a secondhand store.

On the other hand, there are a number of folks that have made the argument that what we actually need is a lawn tractor, which is kind of a like a BattleMech but for yard-work (dammit, I may have just sold myself). Like learning about the Kubota configurator may have been as bad for my psyche as the Porsche and GM configuration tools. Want a riding mower that can plow snow, dig a trench, and haul cargo? How could I not? And crucially, I feel like if I owned one, I'd instantly become the kind of guy who makes perfect use of one.

What's a perfect solution to a nagging chore or problem that you dream of having in your garage? Or did you already achieve that dream and you're looking forward to busting it out in this warmer weather.

Patrick: This is a tough one, because the difference between our homes could not be more vast. Part of the reason we bought the house that we did was specifically built around the idea of how much time and energy we wanted to spend in our driveway and in our lawn, knowing we had kids on the horizon and we were getting older. The backyard is slightly bigger than most by suburban standards—it probably takes me 30ish minutes to mow properly? The front yard is much more modest—it probably takes 15ish all told? 

It’s also a function of time. I don’t have whole afternoons to wonder what I could get up to outside. I get maybe one a month. There is always an activity to attend, a playdate down the block, a party in an hour.

There is someone down the block who has a rideable mower for this exact type of lawn and it’s one of the neighborhood laughing stocks. You can only imagine it was purchased either on a whim, inherited from a family member, or was deemed just too cool to be sold when they decided to move into a smaller house.

It does look really damn fun to ride, though.